Why Mindfulness Feels Scary (And Why It’s Worth It Anyway)
stillness is the move. temecula, ca.
I'm Noemí, a Licensed Clinical Social Worker practicing in California, Colorado, and Texas. Throughout my career and personal healing journey, I've noticed something, many people avoid mindfulness meditation and stillness. We avoid it because it opens space to remember things we've worked hard to forget. Any practice done in silence has the potential to bring up scary feelings and memories, especially grief.
For those of us who've experienced trauma, stillness may actually feel unsafe. But I wonder, can we rewrite this story? What might we gain by sitting in the eye of the storm? In this post, I'll explore why we avoid mindfulness, what grief has to do with it, and how to practice safely.
What Is Mindfulness Meditation?
Jon Kabat-Zinn defines mindfulness meditation as “the awareness that arises from paying attention, on purpose, in the present moment and nonjudgmentally.” It allows us to anchor ourselves through our breath and bring attention to our mind and body as it is in any given moment. He describes it as an invitation to befriend yourself. It’s a journey of self-awareness, acceptance, compassion, and love. As a therapist integrating mindfulness into my practice, I see it as allowing ourselves to be more present so that we may become more alive. It calls for us to be more observant, flexible, and kinder.
There’s often a misunderstanding that mindfulness is about completely getting rid of distractions, but that’s unrealistic. Distractions, thoughts, feelings, pain points are ever present. Mindfulness meditation is more about noticing the anxious thought and letting it float away like a cloud; noticing the tightness in your neck; noticing the leaf blower outside and coming back to breath; kindly setting a boundary with the inner critic. It is a practice that takes time to build, and like any muscle, it grows stronger with time and effort.
Understanding Grief in Mindfulness Practice
Mindfulness is often understood as relaxing and grounding, and it can be. However, it's important to recognize that when we become still, we may encounter discomfort and grief. This is why the practice can feel scary for some folks: stillness creates space for what we've been too busy to feel, bringing to the surface ghosts from our past.
If stillness feels unsafe, it doesn't mean you must avoid it. It may mean learning to redefine safety and establish it within your body. If tuning into your body feels challenging, consider practicing gradually with the guidance of a therapist. Working with a trauma-focused or somatic therapist can help you practice what Peter Levine, creator of Somatic Experiencing therapy, calls titration, a way of processing difficult emotions in manageable doses to avoid overwhelming your nervous system.
The reality is, whatever grief we're navigating will be cyclical and boundless. Despite our best efforts to fight pain, suffering is part of our human experience. Grief is often described as a tide, rising suddenly and crashing into you like the first time. And like the tide, with time, grief lessens.
Grief is an old, wise teacher who has much to share about our desires, needs, and what still hurts. If we learn to tune in and look the ugliest truths in the face, we may find ourselves on the other end of it. Grief tells the story of our lives.
The Benefits of Mindfulness and Stillness
Research on mindfulness-based interventions shows that mindfulness meditation can reduce anxiety, depression, and stress, while improving sleep and lowering blood pressure. But beyond these measurable benefits, cultivating moment awareness through stillness helps us understand what aches within us and why. It helps us recognize our fears and put them to rest. Through stillness, we become better acquainted with our inner critic by understanding its origins and learning to be gentle with it while nurturing our inner advocate. We gain clarity about ourselves, our relationships, our values, and our expectations. We tap into curiosity, dreams, and fantasies. We learn to bathe in gentle waters we couldn't swim in before, when we were consumed with simply staying afloat and surviving.
My Journey with Mindfulness and Grief
As a therapist who tries to be mindful of practicing what I teach, mindfulness and stillness have been significant parts of my own healing journey. This practice helped me redefine love and safety. I’ve learned to find peace and joy in stillness. I’ve learned about the importance of embodying my values. And it taught me to be self-compassionate. It’s sharpened my sensors and it helped me trust my body’s wisdom. I feel more attuned to what feels good and what doesn’t feel good. Most importantly, stillness helped me learn how to properly grieve.
How to Practice Mindfulness Safely
If you're ready to explore mindfulness but feel hesitant, here's how to start:
Start small. 2-3 minutes of focused breathing is enough. You don't need a 30-minute meditation practice right away.
Choose your setting intentionally. Where do you feel safest? Your room, a park, the beach? Start there.
Notice without judgment. When difficult feelings arise, practice observing them: "I notice I'm feeling anxious. I notice tightness in my chest." You're not trying to fix or change, just observing.
Use anchors. When overwhelmed, return to your breath, a mantra, or a body sensation (feet on ground).
Journal. What does this practice currently mean to you? What do you find challenging? What story is it telling? How would you like to rewrite that story?
Work with a therapist. If stillness brings up trauma or intense grief, a therapist can help you practice titration.
Be patient. This is a practice, not a destination. Some days will feel easier than others.
When to Seek Professional Support
Mindfulness can be a powerful healing tool, but it's not always something to do alone, especially if you're navigating trauma or intense grief. As a Licensed Clinical Social Worker serving adults in California, Colorado, and Texas, I help clients integrate mindfulness practices safely into their healing journey.
If mindfulness brings up overwhelming emotions, unresolved trauma, or memories you're not ready to face alone, therapy can provide the guidance and support you need. I use trauma-focused, somatic approaches to help clients build tolerance for stillness gradually.
If you're interested in exploring mindfulness with professional support, email me at noemi@stillnesstherapy.net to schedule a complimentary 20-minute consultation.
Mindfulness and stillness are not about perfection or achieving an unrealistic zen state. They're about making space for all of you, including the grief, the fear, the parts you've been too busy to hold. That's where the real healing begins.
